fleeting thoughts

I always have so many thoughts begging to be explored. But every time I go to write them down, they are fleeting, like a butterfly on a warm summer day. Internally processing is more effective, and then it seems laborious to reprocess those thoughts on paper. I even thought through this, almost word for word, before writing it down. And I almost didn’t because it was tiresome to think through twice.

I have a strange desire to write while sitting in seat 24A from Seattle to Phoenix, which rarely happens. However, I have no desire to work on a proposal for a conference program, which always happens. I find it strange that anyone would think a (barely) 24 year old to have some kind of euphoric knowledge that the rest of the community should be begging to know. Yet I do understand, everyone’s perspective is unique and everyone’s gears get going (alliteration!) from something different – combine those two, and poof. Something new is born. Riveting, I know.

In less than one month, I’ll be starting my first job. Grad school assistantship counts ish. It was like a job because of the hours we worked, but no benefits or real salary, so it doesn’t count. This one has a real salary. And in a few short weeks after starting said job, my first pair of real shoes will happen. I am more in love with shoes on the outside than on the inside. Mostly because I am practical. Or at least I think of myself as practical. I doubt anyone that knew my would chime in with a hearty ‘definitely’ or ‘just like her mother.’ But still. I guess I just don’t want to be boring (not that my mother is..), but often I equate practical with boring. So I’m amped up my love for shoes, pretty clothes, and all things Princesses. When it comes down to it, I just prefer to be presentable and treated with respect. Whatever. I can’t wait to start fresh in a new place, in a new job, and with some new faces.

Puffy, puffy clouds.
You have marshmellow essence.
And roasted lighty.

Oh mountain tops.
Linger around patchwork towns.
Just like grandma’s quilts.

One marriage, one quilt.
Sometimes I doubt I’ll get mine.
Or other bauble.

Also, this traveling business is such a tease. Why am I being routed through Phoenix to get to Indianapolis? It’s just mean. Also, to sit there for 3 hours and not able to go home, when home is an hour and a half away. Granted I wouldn’t make it there and back in time, but the thought lingers.

These are literally all the thoughts I have right now. Of course, that does not include the things I process through on a daily basis, which would be complicated and boresome to start at the beginning and to understand how they got to be where they are. Thoughts are so fleeting. Of course its just normal stuff any twenty-something lady thinks of: boys, and sex, and perfect tans on perfect little bodies, with perfect outfits for evenings out to meet some cute little twenty something boy. Oh and my stocks and how much credit card debt I have. Gah.

Arizona – so brown.
It is greener on the ground.
Especially cacti.