Qualifying Qualifiers

Fun fact: Men and women communicate differently. Gendered speech has recently become fascinating to me. As young children we learn to communicate from our parents, close family, peers, and authorities (teachers, etc.) in our lives. As we develop our gender identity, our patterns of speech and non-verbal communication become part of what we learn and who we are. As a proud female, I have learned my learned speech patterns can hinder me from being taken seriously.

One caveat of gendered speech is females will often qualify their sentences with a question. A qualifier in language increases or reduces the absolute value of a statement. This can be done with an actual question, "I enjoyed the movie. Didn't you?" or by simply raising one's voice at the end of the sentence as one would when asking a question. For example: "You think I will be great at chairing this committee" compared to: You think I will be great at chairing this committee?"

So what does this mean? There are two thought processes.
1.) Women are less confident, so we qualify our statements to solicit feedback to confirm our thoughts and ideas.
2.) Women are looking for a way to encourage others to be involved with the conversation, as a way to continue to build relationships through verbal communication.
*Thank you to Julia Wood for explaining it so well in "Gendered Lives." Great read, high recommend it!

I had a conversation today with one particular colleague, whom I speak with on a regular basis. We always chat about supporting our female students in a male dominated environment and other feminist things, in general. TOday's topic of conversation turned toward the subject of qualifiers and understanding our own speech patterns. We made a pact to try our best to eliminate qualifiers from our daily speech patterns - in an attempt to be more direct and be taken more seriously. We both feel we are confident people, but also realize we have been trained to ask our statements with questions. After some deliberation, we determined the qualifiers we use to invite others to a conversation and develop relationships are beneficial and we want to keep them as part of our speech. However, the questions which lend towards uncertainty and lack of confidence must go. ASAP. This next week will be a test of both awareness and trust in ourselves.

In this same light, I encourage you to consider your speech patterns. I know you are a confident individual. So what shows your confidence?