Sunday, January 1, 2012
My Own Happiness Project
A few months ago I started reading "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin on my way to and from Arizona. I should really read more often. Anyways, I finished it tonight after re-picking it up, again, on my way to and from Arizona for the Holidays.
I was thinking about starting my own little Happiness Project (from now on to be referred to as HP) back in October. However, I wasn't convinced. Until, a dear friend, also named Katie, asked if I had read it about a week ago. I was like, "Absolutely - I just finished July!" After some discussion we have determined to start our own. I will resolve to hashtag it: #thekaties'happinessproject on Twitter.
So we're doing this. In this moment I feel a little overwhelmed by what this means for the next calendar year. I am still processing all that I read and have yet to select my foci. Foci, such a great plural word.
However, while I am still processing, I would like to provide my first few reactions:
1.) The Four Splendid Truths outlined by G-money. (Goodness, I hope Gretchen is alright with that nickname.)
- To be happy, you need to consider feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
I think I do this. Maybe not outlined in this specific way or with such specific purpose, but it will be interesting to explore.
- One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Legit. This is something I forget and remember many times a week. Another snippet: "Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?" Super cheese, but same concept.
- The days are long, but the years are short.
Oh do I know it.
- You're not happy unless you think you're happy.
Pondering this. Thinking about happiness was what got me questioning happiness. Maybe that's just what happens when you grow up.
2.) The Commandments
I need to craft mine. Maybe not so much craft, but reflect, recall, and place into words what I know to be true.
I like the idea of "Be Katie." More to come..
3.) Even though I am still working through my areas of focus for each month, I would like to start brainstorming a few:
- Energy: Much like G-money, I like starting the year with energy. Workout, go to sleep earlier, eat foods that are mood boosting. I feel good about this one.
- Be present: Enjoying the moments. The small things are often the things that give you happiness and what you'll remember years down the road. I always feel hurried, so that is definitely an area for growth!
- Clear clutter: I am 24 and I already have an excessive amount of stuff. And an excessive amount of stuff I surely do not need. I'll be moving to a new apartment in April so I want to clear out before I move out. Less to move will be blissful!
- Relationships: Maintain them, grow them, or eliminate them if they are creating bad stress. With friends, with family, maybe a lover (partner/dudefriend). I always wish I was better at staying in touch. May one month (and hopefully many more months after) be focused on this.
4.) Instead of the typical NYs resolutions, these will be my resolutions each month.
5.) As a previously self-diagnosed perfectionist, I must continue to remind myself that I won't be perfect.
And just because one day isn't perfect, it isn't a sign to jump off the bandwagon and throw my hands in the air in a gesture of defeat. No ma'am. I will not have it.
Seeing the clock strike 11:06 pm on my Mac means I need to wrap this puppy up so I can go to sleep earlier, as per energy.
Ahh.... 11:12 pm! (6 minutes of editing...) I can't wait to talk with Miss Katie E. about this project!
Bloggeroskis
I don't particularly enjoy writing. I never really have. It's always stressed me out since I can remember: from writing 5 paragraph essays in junior high to writing my thesis, to blogging occasionally. However, I just read through my last 10 posts or so (which span the last 8 months, so not an incredibly high number of posts per month), and realize how important it is to share your thoughts. Even if those it's being shared with are question marks of who and when.
It's fun to read my emotions. I remember exactly how I was feeling during those moments: happy, pissed, remorseful, hopeful, and a million other things, I'm sure. I also get a kick out of reading these entries. I don't think of myself as genuinely funny, but I'm absolutely awkward/quirky funny. Maybe only to me. But laughter is good medicine, so at least I am taking some (a lot) of that each day!
I am also keeping a journal-like book for a close friend who is on her mission in Honduras. She has been gone for just over a year now. I vowed to write often when she left. But again, writing isn't my thing, my passion. I've written, a handful of times. Enough to cover quite a few pages, but I want to write more so she can have a journal, robust with the inner workings of Katie, when she returns. I read through it the other night as I was packing for Tucson. I was laughing for a good twenty minutes. It's hilarious. Maybe only to me. Hopefully to Emily as well. But goodness, that needs to keep comin'.
Both of these journeys have inspired - no, that's strong, have encouraged - me to continue to write. Whilst it may not be the one thing I cannot wait to do when I get home from work or when I open my eyes and stretch my muscles in bed on a Saturday morning, it has proven to be a source of entertainment and personal happiness in the end.
It's fun to read my emotions. I remember exactly how I was feeling during those moments: happy, pissed, remorseful, hopeful, and a million other things, I'm sure. I also get a kick out of reading these entries. I don't think of myself as genuinely funny, but I'm absolutely awkward/quirky funny. Maybe only to me. But laughter is good medicine, so at least I am taking some (a lot) of that each day!
I am also keeping a journal-like book for a close friend who is on her mission in Honduras. She has been gone for just over a year now. I vowed to write often when she left. But again, writing isn't my thing, my passion. I've written, a handful of times. Enough to cover quite a few pages, but I want to write more so she can have a journal, robust with the inner workings of Katie, when she returns. I read through it the other night as I was packing for Tucson. I was laughing for a good twenty minutes. It's hilarious. Maybe only to me. Hopefully to Emily as well. But goodness, that needs to keep comin'.
Both of these journeys have inspired - no, that's strong, have encouraged - me to continue to write. Whilst it may not be the one thing I cannot wait to do when I get home from work or when I open my eyes and stretch my muscles in bed on a Saturday morning, it has proven to be a source of entertainment and personal happiness in the end.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Qualifying Qualifiers
Fun fact: Men and women communicate differently. Gendered speech has recently become fascinating to me. As young children we learn to communicate from our parents, close family, peers, and authorities (teachers, etc.) in our lives. As we develop our gender identity, our patterns of speech and non-verbal communication become part of what we learn and who we are. As a proud female, I have learned my learned speech patterns can hinder me from being taken seriously.
One caveat of gendered speech is females will often qualify their sentences with a question. A qualifier in language increases or reduces the absolute value of a statement. This can be done with an actual question, "I enjoyed the movie. Didn't you?" or by simply raising one's voice at the end of the sentence as one would when asking a question. For example: "You think I will be great at chairing this committee" compared to: You think I will be great at chairing this committee?"
So what does this mean? There are two thought processes.
1.) Women are less confident, so we qualify our statements to solicit feedback to confirm our thoughts and ideas.
2.) Women are looking for a way to encourage others to be involved with the conversation, as a way to continue to build relationships through verbal communication.
*Thank you to Julia Wood for explaining it so well in "Gendered Lives." Great read, high recommend it!
I had a conversation today with one particular colleague, whom I speak with on a regular basis. We always chat about supporting our female students in a male dominated environment and other feminist things, in general. TOday's topic of conversation turned toward the subject of qualifiers and understanding our own speech patterns. We made a pact to try our best to eliminate qualifiers from our daily speech patterns - in an attempt to be more direct and be taken more seriously. We both feel we are confident people, but also realize we have been trained to ask our statements with questions. After some deliberation, we determined the qualifiers we use to invite others to a conversation and develop relationships are beneficial and we want to keep them as part of our speech. However, the questions which lend towards uncertainty and lack of confidence must go. ASAP. This next week will be a test of both awareness and trust in ourselves.
In this same light, I encourage you to consider your speech patterns. I know you are a confident individual. So what shows your confidence?
One caveat of gendered speech is females will often qualify their sentences with a question. A qualifier in language increases or reduces the absolute value of a statement. This can be done with an actual question, "I enjoyed the movie. Didn't you?" or by simply raising one's voice at the end of the sentence as one would when asking a question. For example: "You think I will be great at chairing this committee" compared to: You think I will be great at chairing this committee?"
So what does this mean? There are two thought processes.
1.) Women are less confident, so we qualify our statements to solicit feedback to confirm our thoughts and ideas.
2.) Women are looking for a way to encourage others to be involved with the conversation, as a way to continue to build relationships through verbal communication.
*Thank you to Julia Wood for explaining it so well in "Gendered Lives." Great read, high recommend it!
I had a conversation today with one particular colleague, whom I speak with on a regular basis. We always chat about supporting our female students in a male dominated environment and other feminist things, in general. TOday's topic of conversation turned toward the subject of qualifiers and understanding our own speech patterns. We made a pact to try our best to eliminate qualifiers from our daily speech patterns - in an attempt to be more direct and be taken more seriously. We both feel we are confident people, but also realize we have been trained to ask our statements with questions. After some deliberation, we determined the qualifiers we use to invite others to a conversation and develop relationships are beneficial and we want to keep them as part of our speech. However, the questions which lend towards uncertainty and lack of confidence must go. ASAP. This next week will be a test of both awareness and trust in ourselves.
In this same light, I encourage you to consider your speech patterns. I know you are a confident individual. So what shows your confidence?
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Happiness
So I think a lot about happiness. I probably wouldn't think about it as much, if people didn't always say, "You're always so happy." "You are always smiling." Well, fan-flipping-tastic. I never used to think about it. Now I think about it ALL the TIME.
And I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea why I am always happy, always positive. What specifically makes me happy? Talking to people? Being awesome? Obvs.
And then I started to read this book. You may have heard of it. It's called, "The Happiness Project." I think it's on a few best-selling lists somewhere in America. Some chick had everything and wondered why she wasn't as happy as she felt she should be. So she made small changes every month for a year focusing on a different aspect of her life each month. Smart, yes? Then I thought, should I do that? I'm happy. People tell me they perceive me as happy. But am I as happy as I should be? And then I'm like: what the heck does that even mean. I need like a happy-o-meter that I talk to every morning and it just pops out a rating. And then I would know.
I'm about April into the book right now. It's chalk full of interesting tid-bits, but I have learned two things.
1.) A large majority of our happiness is genetic. We are born at a certain happy level. We can do things to boost or lower that level, but it stays within a range. So I guess I got lucky, and I guess some people are SOL. Rough day when I read that paragraph. I still need to do a little research to confirm, but it is what it is.
2.) Enjoy the process. I think somewhere I just got so busy that I forgot to enjoy the process of getting to a goal. During the past few years, I have reached whatever goal I had set, and I didn't feel a sense of accomplishment. It was like, awesome, check, what's next? So I'm working on appreciating the small things, even if it delays a process. Wow, that got deep.
Alright, it's bed time.
Also I ate too many chocolate chips. Dang you, Safeway and your "buy 1 get one 50% baking items" sales.
And I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea why I am always happy, always positive. What specifically makes me happy? Talking to people? Being awesome? Obvs.
And then I started to read this book. You may have heard of it. It's called, "The Happiness Project." I think it's on a few best-selling lists somewhere in America. Some chick had everything and wondered why she wasn't as happy as she felt she should be. So she made small changes every month for a year focusing on a different aspect of her life each month. Smart, yes? Then I thought, should I do that? I'm happy. People tell me they perceive me as happy. But am I as happy as I should be? And then I'm like: what the heck does that even mean. I need like a happy-o-meter that I talk to every morning and it just pops out a rating. And then I would know.
I'm about April into the book right now. It's chalk full of interesting tid-bits, but I have learned two things.
1.) A large majority of our happiness is genetic. We are born at a certain happy level. We can do things to boost or lower that level, but it stays within a range. So I guess I got lucky, and I guess some people are SOL. Rough day when I read that paragraph. I still need to do a little research to confirm, but it is what it is.
2.) Enjoy the process. I think somewhere I just got so busy that I forgot to enjoy the process of getting to a goal. During the past few years, I have reached whatever goal I had set, and I didn't feel a sense of accomplishment. It was like, awesome, check, what's next? So I'm working on appreciating the small things, even if it delays a process. Wow, that got deep.
Alright, it's bed time.
Also I ate too many chocolate chips. Dang you, Safeway and your "buy 1 get one 50% baking items" sales.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
"I'll be there for you..."
The great thing about moving to a new place is all of the wonderful, new, fun things to do. And they are all wonderful because they are new. It's never been done before, well, at least not by you. But the one downfall of moving on a whim to a new place, is sometimes you just don't know a whole heck of a lot of people. Everyone's real nice, but those emotional connections you have worked to build with friends in past locations just aren't present.
So to sum this up: I've been a little bored.
Don't get me wrong: I've met some wonderful people and work is fulfilling, but I've spent a lot of 'me time' with myself in the last 2.5 months. Most of which I enjoy, sincerely. But that just means I have a decent amount a free time.
And in my free time, I have (further) developed hobbies.
- Running
- Pilates at a studio
- (Excessive) Shopping
- and Watching "Friends"
So "Friends" marathoning, I am. Started with season 1 in July and just got to season 7 today. And I have had quite a few epiphanies in the making.
As a preface, I grew up watching this show. When I was in South America (15 years ago), "Friends" (and "The Nanny") were the only shows I watched in English. So I grew up with Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross every week.
- I've always had a love for each character, but Rachel was my favorite. Fashionista, works at Ralph Lauren, she's pretty, and confident enough to talk to attractive men. (That last one is something I appreciate now.)
Now I realize I loved the characters, and in turn the show, because I identify with each of them uniquely.
*Rachel: Fashionista, ability to get the men (still). She's perfect, yet flawed in ways that add to her perfectness.
*Monica: Neat freak. Organized. Has 11 kinda of towels. I don't, but I appreciate the categorical approach. Perfectionist.
*Phoebe: Quirky, which she embraces. She's not afraid to be herself, and other's embrace her quirky personality traits. I have some quirks and I am not afraid to show the world what I have to offer.
*Joey: Can be focused. Sometimes it's on sex and other times it's on sandwiches. But he is fixed on what he needs (wants) in that moment. When I am in the zone, there is no stopping me.
*Chandler: He's funny. Almost awkward funny. I don't think I am hilarious, but sometimes I make awkward jokes, and it works out.
*Ross: Nerdy. He really is. He's a paleontologist. I may not be akin to Dinosaurs, but some of my favorites include: Star Wars (only the originals), Lord of the Rings (obvs), Harry Potter, ...and math is fun.
- When you're 10, you don't really get all of the sexual innuendos. I get them now. (The show is WAY more funny now.)
- I also enjoy HIMYM. But Barney is a 2000s version of the 1990s Joey.
- The last thing I appreciate about "Friends" is their friendships. The show is driven by a vague storyline about their dating lives, but really what it boils down to is the progression of their relationships. And with that progression came conflict. Lots of conflict. Each show someone is usually pissed at someone else. But at the end of the day they are able to continue on.
They are all actually so different, that in real life I don't know that they would all be friends. Yet, they are so different, that each of the 6 of them fulfill what the other 5 are missing. In that way the show has great chemistry.
Much like all of the Harry Potter fans claim the last movie to be the 'end of an era,' I think the end of "Friends" was an end of an era for me. But reliving that era has been way more fun.
So to sum this up: I've been a little bored.
Don't get me wrong: I've met some wonderful people and work is fulfilling, but I've spent a lot of 'me time' with myself in the last 2.5 months. Most of which I enjoy, sincerely. But that just means I have a decent amount a free time.
And in my free time, I have (further) developed hobbies.
- Running
- Pilates at a studio
- (Excessive) Shopping
- and Watching "Friends"
So "Friends" marathoning, I am. Started with season 1 in July and just got to season 7 today. And I have had quite a few epiphanies in the making.
As a preface, I grew up watching this show. When I was in South America (15 years ago), "Friends" (and "The Nanny") were the only shows I watched in English. So I grew up with Rachel, Monica, Phoebe, Joey, Chandler, and Ross every week.
- I've always had a love for each character, but Rachel was my favorite. Fashionista, works at Ralph Lauren, she's pretty, and confident enough to talk to attractive men. (That last one is something I appreciate now.)
Now I realize I loved the characters, and in turn the show, because I identify with each of them uniquely.
*Rachel: Fashionista, ability to get the men (still). She's perfect, yet flawed in ways that add to her perfectness.
*Monica: Neat freak. Organized. Has 11 kinda of towels. I don't, but I appreciate the categorical approach. Perfectionist.
*Phoebe: Quirky, which she embraces. She's not afraid to be herself, and other's embrace her quirky personality traits. I have some quirks and I am not afraid to show the world what I have to offer.
*Joey: Can be focused. Sometimes it's on sex and other times it's on sandwiches. But he is fixed on what he needs (wants) in that moment. When I am in the zone, there is no stopping me.
*Chandler: He's funny. Almost awkward funny. I don't think I am hilarious, but sometimes I make awkward jokes, and it works out.
*Ross: Nerdy. He really is. He's a paleontologist. I may not be akin to Dinosaurs, but some of my favorites include: Star Wars (only the originals), Lord of the Rings (obvs), Harry Potter, ...and math is fun.
- When you're 10, you don't really get all of the sexual innuendos. I get them now. (The show is WAY more funny now.)
- I also enjoy HIMYM. But Barney is a 2000s version of the 1990s Joey.
- The last thing I appreciate about "Friends" is their friendships. The show is driven by a vague storyline about their dating lives, but really what it boils down to is the progression of their relationships. And with that progression came conflict. Lots of conflict. Each show someone is usually pissed at someone else. But at the end of the day they are able to continue on.
They are all actually so different, that in real life I don't know that they would all be friends. Yet, they are so different, that each of the 6 of them fulfill what the other 5 are missing. In that way the show has great chemistry.
Much like all of the Harry Potter fans claim the last movie to be the 'end of an era,' I think the end of "Friends" was an end of an era for me. But reliving that era has been way more fun.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
The End of an Era
I have two days and one morning left in Muncie, IN. Only two short years ago, I was packin gup my life and getting ready to head out to the Midwest. Since then, a lot has happened - some things have changed, others have stayed strangely the same - but if there is one thing I know, it is that I have "done my time," "paid my dues," and am ready to leave the flattest land behind me.
A few months ago, I created a bucket list of things I still wanted to do in Muncie.
- Paint a coat on the world's largest ball of paint with Katie Harder.
- Learn to belly dance with Lamees Galal.
- Go on a bike ride with Kellen Story.
- Execute the top-secret planned adventure with Josiah Black.
- Go to a country club with Mike Starr.
If this was a class, I would have failed Bucket List 101. I painted the ball of paint and completed the secret mission, both with some fantastic people! But with everything nearing an end, I don't seeing bike riding, two-stepping, or belly dancing in my near future. (Perhaps during a trip to visit this upcoming year..) Two out of five.
Even though this was a poor showing, many other adventures have become part of my time here that must also be put on the list!:
- Visit the Muncie Winery (Double points - I went twice.)
- Fly a kite with lil' Ainsley
- Be in a photoshoot for Ball State (For the Graduate School, just it still counts.)
- Saw two sets of best friends get married (Also double points!)
So... What's that? Eight out of eleven? Goodness, that's not evenly distributable. Ehh... about 72-73%. I'll accept a C. C's get diplomas.
As I'm getting ready for the big move/drive out west to the great state of Colorado, I have been posed with the question of "What will I miss most about Muncie?"
I listed off some favorite physical places:
- Farmers Market at Minnetrista
- Running around campus
And a few more:
- IY, Ritters, Concannons, and Ivanhoo's
- Having a plethora of country radio stationsto select from...
But I think I'm going to miss the funny inside jokes:
- The HRL Porno List
- "It's _____TIME."
- Red pants
- The laugh
- The bromances
- What 601 really means, and what happens there...
- 6AB1
- B608
- "I want chocolate!"
And the people I shared these jokes with too over the past two years... :)
A few months ago, I created a bucket list of things I still wanted to do in Muncie.
- Paint a coat on the world's largest ball of paint with Katie Harder.
- Learn to belly dance with Lamees Galal.
- Go on a bike ride with Kellen Story.
- Execute the top-secret planned adventure with Josiah Black.
- Go to a country club with Mike Starr.
If this was a class, I would have failed Bucket List 101. I painted the ball of paint and completed the secret mission, both with some fantastic people! But with everything nearing an end, I don't seeing bike riding, two-stepping, or belly dancing in my near future. (Perhaps during a trip to visit this upcoming year..) Two out of five.
Even though this was a poor showing, many other adventures have become part of my time here that must also be put on the list!:
- Visit the Muncie Winery (Double points - I went twice.)
- Fly a kite with lil' Ainsley
- Be in a photoshoot for Ball State (For the Graduate School, just it still counts.)
- Saw two sets of best friends get married (Also double points!)
So... What's that? Eight out of eleven? Goodness, that's not evenly distributable. Ehh... about 72-73%. I'll accept a C. C's get diplomas.
As I'm getting ready for the big move/drive out west to the great state of Colorado, I have been posed with the question of "What will I miss most about Muncie?"
I listed off some favorite physical places:
- Farmers Market at Minnetrista
- Running around campus
And a few more:
- IY, Ritters, Concannons, and Ivanhoo's
- Having a plethora of country radio stationsto select from...
But I think I'm going to miss the funny inside jokes:
- The HRL Porno List
- "It's _____TIME."
- Red pants
- The laugh
- The bromances
- What 601 really means, and what happens there...
- 6AB1
- B608
- "I want chocolate!"
And the people I shared these jokes with too over the past two years... :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
"house spouse" lessons
After being in Oregon for a week, these are things that stick with me:
1. My grandparents are B.A. They have done crazy things in their life, and some not so crazy things, but more so committed/dedicated/respectable things that has built a great legacy and a wonderful family.
2. I can’t sew worth a rat’s ass. I tried. Running a sewing machine isn’t half hard, but it’s the figuring out what comes first, and how-to-stitch-every-thing-together-in-a-hidden-seems-fashion business that is slightly exhausting. Needless to say, I’m really good at ripping. But what I did learn is that you just have to think ahead, plan it out, buy extra fabric, play with the fabric, and if all else fails, try it a different way. Or hodge-podge it together. Kinda like life (oooh…ahhhh). I know, gross.
3. I hope I find someone to love me for decades, and for me to love him back.
4. There’s nothing like a good walk.
5. It won’t be like childhood summers anymore. The cousins have grown. I visit before the fruit is ripe. Summer berry pies must be asked for, instead of a dime a dozen and a new flavor every day at noon. Pine cone wars are a thing of the past. Running around for hours on end on 7 acres of land is no longer a practical use of time unless there is a lawn mower or a machete in hand (which is why I am not allowed). But these things have been replaced with talking about real life things: like jobs, and stories of life experiences, or trustes (both A and B and all the legal jargon), and house spouse lessons – things every one should know.
1. My grandparents are B.A. They have done crazy things in their life, and some not so crazy things, but more so committed/dedicated/respectable things that has built a great legacy and a wonderful family.
2. I can’t sew worth a rat’s ass. I tried. Running a sewing machine isn’t half hard, but it’s the figuring out what comes first, and how-to-stitch-every-thing-together-in-a-hidden-seems-fashion business that is slightly exhausting. Needless to say, I’m really good at ripping. But what I did learn is that you just have to think ahead, plan it out, buy extra fabric, play with the fabric, and if all else fails, try it a different way. Or hodge-podge it together. Kinda like life (oooh…ahhhh). I know, gross.
3. I hope I find someone to love me for decades, and for me to love him back.
4. There’s nothing like a good walk.
5. It won’t be like childhood summers anymore. The cousins have grown. I visit before the fruit is ripe. Summer berry pies must be asked for, instead of a dime a dozen and a new flavor every day at noon. Pine cone wars are a thing of the past. Running around for hours on end on 7 acres of land is no longer a practical use of time unless there is a lawn mower or a machete in hand (which is why I am not allowed). But these things have been replaced with talking about real life things: like jobs, and stories of life experiences, or trustes (both A and B and all the legal jargon), and house spouse lessons – things every one should know.
fleeting thoughts
I always have so many thoughts begging to be explored. But every time I go to write them down, they are fleeting, like a butterfly on a warm summer day. Internally processing is more effective, and then it seems laborious to reprocess those thoughts on paper. I even thought through this, almost word for word, before writing it down. And I almost didn’t because it was tiresome to think through twice.
I have a strange desire to write while sitting in seat 24A from Seattle to Phoenix, which rarely happens. However, I have no desire to work on a proposal for a conference program, which always happens. I find it strange that anyone would think a (barely) 24 year old to have some kind of euphoric knowledge that the rest of the community should be begging to know. Yet I do understand, everyone’s perspective is unique and everyone’s gears get going (alliteration!) from something different – combine those two, and poof. Something new is born. Riveting, I know.
In less than one month, I’ll be starting my first job. Grad school assistantship counts ish. It was like a job because of the hours we worked, but no benefits or real salary, so it doesn’t count. This one has a real salary. And in a few short weeks after starting said job, my first pair of real shoes will happen. I am more in love with shoes on the outside than on the inside. Mostly because I am practical. Or at least I think of myself as practical. I doubt anyone that knew my would chime in with a hearty ‘definitely’ or ‘just like her mother.’ But still. I guess I just don’t want to be boring (not that my mother is..), but often I equate practical with boring. So I’m amped up my love for shoes, pretty clothes, and all things Princesses. When it comes down to it, I just prefer to be presentable and treated with respect. Whatever. I can’t wait to start fresh in a new place, in a new job, and with some new faces.
Puffy, puffy clouds.
You have marshmellow essence.
And roasted lighty.
Oh mountain tops.
Linger around patchwork towns.
Just like grandma’s quilts.
One marriage, one quilt.
Sometimes I doubt I’ll get mine.
Or other bauble.
Also, this traveling business is such a tease. Why am I being routed through Phoenix to get to Indianapolis? It’s just mean. Also, to sit there for 3 hours and not able to go home, when home is an hour and a half away. Granted I wouldn’t make it there and back in time, but the thought lingers.
These are literally all the thoughts I have right now. Of course, that does not include the things I process through on a daily basis, which would be complicated and boresome to start at the beginning and to understand how they got to be where they are. Thoughts are so fleeting. Of course its just normal stuff any twenty-something lady thinks of: boys, and sex, and perfect tans on perfect little bodies, with perfect outfits for evenings out to meet some cute little twenty something boy. Oh and my stocks and how much credit card debt I have. Gah.
Arizona – so brown.
It is greener on the ground.
Especially cacti.
I have a strange desire to write while sitting in seat 24A from Seattle to Phoenix, which rarely happens. However, I have no desire to work on a proposal for a conference program, which always happens. I find it strange that anyone would think a (barely) 24 year old to have some kind of euphoric knowledge that the rest of the community should be begging to know. Yet I do understand, everyone’s perspective is unique and everyone’s gears get going (alliteration!) from something different – combine those two, and poof. Something new is born. Riveting, I know.
In less than one month, I’ll be starting my first job. Grad school assistantship counts ish. It was like a job because of the hours we worked, but no benefits or real salary, so it doesn’t count. This one has a real salary. And in a few short weeks after starting said job, my first pair of real shoes will happen. I am more in love with shoes on the outside than on the inside. Mostly because I am practical. Or at least I think of myself as practical. I doubt anyone that knew my would chime in with a hearty ‘definitely’ or ‘just like her mother.’ But still. I guess I just don’t want to be boring (not that my mother is..), but often I equate practical with boring. So I’m amped up my love for shoes, pretty clothes, and all things Princesses. When it comes down to it, I just prefer to be presentable and treated with respect. Whatever. I can’t wait to start fresh in a new place, in a new job, and with some new faces.
Puffy, puffy clouds.
You have marshmellow essence.
And roasted lighty.
Oh mountain tops.
Linger around patchwork towns.
Just like grandma’s quilts.
One marriage, one quilt.
Sometimes I doubt I’ll get mine.
Or other bauble.
Also, this traveling business is such a tease. Why am I being routed through Phoenix to get to Indianapolis? It’s just mean. Also, to sit there for 3 hours and not able to go home, when home is an hour and a half away. Granted I wouldn’t make it there and back in time, but the thought lingers.
These are literally all the thoughts I have right now. Of course, that does not include the things I process through on a daily basis, which would be complicated and boresome to start at the beginning and to understand how they got to be where they are. Thoughts are so fleeting. Of course its just normal stuff any twenty-something lady thinks of: boys, and sex, and perfect tans on perfect little bodies, with perfect outfits for evenings out to meet some cute little twenty something boy. Oh and my stocks and how much credit card debt I have. Gah.
Arizona – so brown.
It is greener on the ground.
Especially cacti.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Muncie Bucket List
Just a few things I want to do before I leave the Midwest in the dust:
- Paint a coat on the world's largest ball of paint with Katie Harder.
- Learn to belly dance with Lamees Galal.
- Go on a bike ride with Kellen Story.
- Execute the top-secret planned adventure with Josiah Black.
- Go to a country club with Mike Starr.
*This is a working document and is subject to change until I move to a coast.
- Paint a coat on the world's largest ball of paint with Katie Harder.
- Learn to belly dance with Lamees Galal.
- Go on a bike ride with Kellen Story.
- Execute the top-secret planned adventure with Josiah Black.
- Go to a country club with Mike Starr.
*This is a working document and is subject to change until I move to a coast.
Monday, February 14, 2011
melting emotions
The snow drips.
Drips drop by drop.
Creating brittle snowbanks.
The snow is no longer white.
Just browned from dirt.
Unpleasing to the eye.
It is no longer untouched.
No longer sparkling.
It has seen life.
The bustle of people interacting.
The hustle of 'point A to point B.'
Cars, shoes, jogging, skipping.
As it melts into the ground.
Becoming one with the earth.
Allowing new life to grow in the spring.
Drips drop by drop.
Creating brittle snowbanks.
The snow is no longer white.
Just browned from dirt.
Unpleasing to the eye.
It is no longer untouched.
No longer sparkling.
It has seen life.
The bustle of people interacting.
The hustle of 'point A to point B.'
Cars, shoes, jogging, skipping.
As it melts into the ground.
Becoming one with the earth.
Allowing new life to grow in the spring.
Baking
HIMYM proved to present another fascinating idea tonight. When guys initiate a 'booty call,' it is usually in the form of a phone call. When ladies want to spend time with a man, they invite them over to do something innocent.
...like crafting, shopping, or baking.
Why is this? Because we genuinely want to partake in these hobbies and want someone do enjoy them with? Or maybe it's a test. Will the guy stick through these activities (whether or not they think he thinks they are mundane) to get to another activity. ...like hugging?
I can't even count the number of times I have asked a boy over to help me bake. I would say many times were genuine. or maybe time management based. "I need to bake 2 dozen cupcakes and I'd also like to see you. To ensure I don't go to bed at 3 am, I'll do both at the same time. It's a two-fer."
Maybe because it's Valentine's Day, I have a strong desire to bake. With a boy. Or watch a movie and cuddle. Even if I am going to fall asleep. At least I would be falling asleep with someone.
...like crafting, shopping, or baking.
Why is this? Because we genuinely want to partake in these hobbies and want someone do enjoy them with? Or maybe it's a test. Will the guy stick through these activities (whether or not they think he thinks they are mundane) to get to another activity. ...like hugging?
I can't even count the number of times I have asked a boy over to help me bake. I would say many times were genuine. or maybe time management based. "I need to bake 2 dozen cupcakes and I'd also like to see you. To ensure I don't go to bed at 3 am, I'll do both at the same time. It's a two-fer."
Maybe because it's Valentine's Day, I have a strong desire to bake. With a boy. Or watch a movie and cuddle. Even if I am going to fall asleep. At least I would be falling asleep with someone.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Heartbreak
But I'd much rather be
Somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at 3 a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go
Somewhere with you, yeah
I won't sit
Outside your house
And wait for the lights
To go out
Call up an ex
To rescue me
Climb in their bed when I'd much rather sleep
Somewhere with you
Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear
I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high
'Cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you.
-Thanks, Kenny!
Somewhere with you
Laughing loud on a carnival ride, yeah
Driving around on a Saturday night
You made fun of me for singing my song
Got a hotel room just to turn you on
You said pick me up at 3 a.m.
You're fighting with your mom again
And I'd go, I'd go, I'd go
Somewhere with you, yeah
I won't sit
Outside your house
And wait for the lights
To go out
Call up an ex
To rescue me
Climb in their bed when I'd much rather sleep
Somewhere with you
Like we did on the beach last summer
When the rain came down and we took cover
Down in your car, out by the pier
You laid me down, whispered in my ear
I hate my life, hold on to me
Ah, if you ever decide to leave
Then I'll go, I'll go, I'll go
I can go out every night of the week
Can go home with anybody I meet
But it's just a temporary high
'Cause when I close my eyes
I'm somewhere with you
Somewhere with you.
-Thanks, Kenny!
Monday, January 10, 2011
.leaving.
Emily has left, to Honduras today. My thoughts are with her as she begins her great journey.
May it be fulfilling, as the moments we have spent trying on hats in Michael's, buying ridiculous clothes in Ross, making campaign materials, going on journeys to the gas station to play the touch screen games and get ice cream cones, and all randomness in general, of which I cherish it all.
May it be fulfilling, as the moments we have spent trying on hats in Michael's, buying ridiculous clothes in Ross, making campaign materials, going on journeys to the gas station to play the touch screen games and get ice cream cones, and all randomness in general, of which I cherish it all.
little snowflake
It's going to snow for the next, like, 40 hours.
And, I despise the cold.
Henceforth, I am not looking forward to this snow and the cold it brings with it.
But I do love looking at the white, peacefulness when I wake in the morning. It's untouched beauty is moving.
And then, I have to go outside, and the beauty is ruined. Mostly because of the cold, and also because I step on it and it is no longer untouched. But if it's early enough, I see only one set of little footprints, left by the ball of my shoes and the tip of my high heel.
And, I despise the cold.
Henceforth, I am not looking forward to this snow and the cold it brings with it.
But I do love looking at the white, peacefulness when I wake in the morning. It's untouched beauty is moving.
And then, I have to go outside, and the beauty is ruined. Mostly because of the cold, and also because I step on it and it is no longer untouched. But if it's early enough, I see only one set of little footprints, left by the ball of my shoes and the tip of my high heel.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Reflecting Ahead.
'Tis the time of the year to create well-crafted New Year's Resolutions. Most times they are broken, yes? for example, I love going to the gym in January, and then going to the gym in March. Actually, I despise going to the gym in January. It's so packed, but it just makes it so much better when I go in March.
Often times we construct these elaborate goals that will change our lives, only to find that completing them is exhausting. Meh, I'm over it. Now I pick just a few things that will slightly alter my path in hopes to have a long term affect in the future.
ie: Last Year. Goal = to floss every day. Not a huge altering life change. But hey, my future health (and the dentist) is LOVING that move.
So I've put some thought into this year's goals. Not to jump on the ol' bandwagon, but in an attempt to improve life and challenge myself in a healthy way.
So goals =
1. Take my multi-vitamin and calcium pill EVERY day. (It was a goal last year, but fail.)
2. Give more compliments to those I admire.
3. As always, I have the eat healthier, work out consistently, blah blah, one as well.
May the goals of my friends and colleagues be appropriately challenging, healthy, and attainable!
Happy New Year!
Often times we construct these elaborate goals that will change our lives, only to find that completing them is exhausting. Meh, I'm over it. Now I pick just a few things that will slightly alter my path in hopes to have a long term affect in the future.
ie: Last Year. Goal = to floss every day. Not a huge altering life change. But hey, my future health (and the dentist) is LOVING that move.
So I've put some thought into this year's goals. Not to jump on the ol' bandwagon, but in an attempt to improve life and challenge myself in a healthy way.
So goals =
1. Take my multi-vitamin and calcium pill EVERY day. (It was a goal last year, but fail.)
2. Give more compliments to those I admire.
3. As always, I have the eat healthier, work out consistently, blah blah, one as well.
May the goals of my friends and colleagues be appropriately challenging, healthy, and attainable!
Happy New Year!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Perfect?
This semester has provided many high moments, and also many moments causing reflection on my life: how I got where I am, who I have become, and the relationships I have developed.
Ultimately, I am not satisfied with my current relationships. (I briefly will touch on human need to have these connections with others, and even more briefly mention the importance of relationships to females, as taught and learned through societal gender roles.) Anyways, I think, after much thought, it boils down to perfection: my perfectionist nature, and thinking anything less than perfection is not good and is weak. This has led to being mediocre at relationships because it becomes difficult to share anything that is less than my best. Relationships can only go so deep.
Let's take boys for example: there was a period in my life when I became obsessed with having the perfect body. What worth would I have if I wasn't attractive? Obviously, there is SO much wrong with with this question. However, that shaped a majority of my high school and college years. I have learned that I have much to offer the world, but still I struggle with accepting my imperfections (non-body related), and struggle even more so with sharing them in a long term relationship.
Those I supervise: If they saw I made mistakes, would they respect me? For not knowing an answer, or doing something wrong? I fear they won't respect these weaknesses. However, i know it's how they see me as human. But still, I want to give them something to aspire to, someone to look up to. Looking toward failure isn't motivating.
Family: I have spent so much time going to school, getting involved, focusing on a 4.0, and working to be successful in career moves that I have yet to build strong relationships with my immediate family - including my mother. And that blows. I have been giving myself a pep talk all break about how it doesn't just happen, it's something you have to work at. Like dental care. (Flossing really does wonders! 2010 Resolution = success!)
Again, this boils down to my need to show perfection. How can I have a conversation about something that is disappointing? It will only bring disappointment to others' lives.
Now it's not only perfection, but it's also my desire to be positive. Constantly. Negativity is not something I subscribe to. Henceforth, i don't like sharing negative moments in my life. I would rather find the silver lining. This is not to say I never share my frustrations, but often they are things I think about and process privately before I express them aloud. I want to make sure I understand all aspects of the situation and can articulate what is truly bothering me before I rant and/or rave about something that won't matter in a month.
So do I have good relationships? Yes probably. But are they perfect? Of course not, that may be hard to come by for everyone. But it's what i desire. ...and who can blame a girl for striving for something better?
Ultimately, I am not satisfied with my current relationships. (I briefly will touch on human need to have these connections with others, and even more briefly mention the importance of relationships to females, as taught and learned through societal gender roles.) Anyways, I think, after much thought, it boils down to perfection: my perfectionist nature, and thinking anything less than perfection is not good and is weak. This has led to being mediocre at relationships because it becomes difficult to share anything that is less than my best. Relationships can only go so deep.
Let's take boys for example: there was a period in my life when I became obsessed with having the perfect body. What worth would I have if I wasn't attractive? Obviously, there is SO much wrong with with this question. However, that shaped a majority of my high school and college years. I have learned that I have much to offer the world, but still I struggle with accepting my imperfections (non-body related), and struggle even more so with sharing them in a long term relationship.
Those I supervise: If they saw I made mistakes, would they respect me? For not knowing an answer, or doing something wrong? I fear they won't respect these weaknesses. However, i know it's how they see me as human. But still, I want to give them something to aspire to, someone to look up to. Looking toward failure isn't motivating.
Family: I have spent so much time going to school, getting involved, focusing on a 4.0, and working to be successful in career moves that I have yet to build strong relationships with my immediate family - including my mother. And that blows. I have been giving myself a pep talk all break about how it doesn't just happen, it's something you have to work at. Like dental care. (Flossing really does wonders! 2010 Resolution = success!)
Again, this boils down to my need to show perfection. How can I have a conversation about something that is disappointing? It will only bring disappointment to others' lives.
Now it's not only perfection, but it's also my desire to be positive. Constantly. Negativity is not something I subscribe to. Henceforth, i don't like sharing negative moments in my life. I would rather find the silver lining. This is not to say I never share my frustrations, but often they are things I think about and process privately before I express them aloud. I want to make sure I understand all aspects of the situation and can articulate what is truly bothering me before I rant and/or rave about something that won't matter in a month.
So do I have good relationships? Yes probably. But are they perfect? Of course not, that may be hard to come by for everyone. But it's what i desire. ...and who can blame a girl for striving for something better?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Books.
People are like books. They have covers, chapters, beginnings, ends, often times sequels. Sometimes they're enlightening, perhaps uplifting, other times they are heart tugging or scary.
But everyone organizes their books differently. I see my life as having not one, but multiple books, which narrate simultaneously. But this isn't just life, it's how I compartmentalize parts of my job and personal life too. I pull out one folder from my brain and it has everything on one subject, when I'm done with that I put it away until it is needed again.
There's a book for work. There's a book for school. There's a book for family. There's a book for boys. Because I live where I work, sometimes these get blended. Not intentionally, but because people care and they want to know how you are doing on a personal level. So I tell them about the recent happenings in my life. Unfortunately, we're all so intertwined, it gets complicated quickly.
The largest lesson I have learned is the way i compartmentalize my life is not the same as other people compartmentalize their lifes. My chapters are clearly defined - a beginning of a thought to the end of the thought. Once something happens, I process through it and move on. The next chapter happens. It's a book so you learn and you grow through it, but you also look forward to what is next. I rarely read past chapters. In my mind if a chapter is over, it's over. You learned what you could from it. I guess it isn't that people don't compartmentalize their chapters differently, it may be that our chapter don't begin or end at the same time.
I guess I'm just frustrated. My chapter has closed, and another has begun.
But everyone organizes their books differently. I see my life as having not one, but multiple books, which narrate simultaneously. But this isn't just life, it's how I compartmentalize parts of my job and personal life too. I pull out one folder from my brain and it has everything on one subject, when I'm done with that I put it away until it is needed again.
There's a book for work. There's a book for school. There's a book for family. There's a book for boys. Because I live where I work, sometimes these get blended. Not intentionally, but because people care and they want to know how you are doing on a personal level. So I tell them about the recent happenings in my life. Unfortunately, we're all so intertwined, it gets complicated quickly.
The largest lesson I have learned is the way i compartmentalize my life is not the same as other people compartmentalize their lifes. My chapters are clearly defined - a beginning of a thought to the end of the thought. Once something happens, I process through it and move on. The next chapter happens. It's a book so you learn and you grow through it, but you also look forward to what is next. I rarely read past chapters. In my mind if a chapter is over, it's over. You learned what you could from it. I guess it isn't that people don't compartmentalize their chapters differently, it may be that our chapter don't begin or end at the same time.
I guess I'm just frustrated. My chapter has closed, and another has begun.
Monday, October 18, 2010
What Thesis?
If we consider theoretical perspectives, most especially, epistomology.
I refer to "What Thesis?"
April 11 is going to be: THE. BEST. DAY. EVER.
I refer to "What Thesis?"
April 11 is going to be: THE. BEST. DAY. EVER.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Crying.
How weird is it to cry?
How weird is it to cry more than once a day? Only if it's for one second.
I cried twice today.
1. I missed someone.
Ok. I'm glad I'll see that person soon.
2. I felt overwhelmed.
...and then I told myself to woman up and get to it. Nothing happens without initiative.
But has our society become so desensitized to the emotion attached with crying - whether it be sad or feeling helpless - or has society enforced the perception that crying signifies weakness and we should only show strength? Maybe a combination of both.
Eff it. I cry a lot. If something is sweet, if something is sad, if empathy overcomes me, if there is injustice.
Would I be saying this if I was male? Who knows. Probably not.
So funny to me how it works this way.
But does it 'work'?
Doubtful.
How weird is it to cry more than once a day? Only if it's for one second.
I cried twice today.
1. I missed someone.
Ok. I'm glad I'll see that person soon.
2. I felt overwhelmed.
...and then I told myself to woman up and get to it. Nothing happens without initiative.
But has our society become so desensitized to the emotion attached with crying - whether it be sad or feeling helpless - or has society enforced the perception that crying signifies weakness and we should only show strength? Maybe a combination of both.
Eff it. I cry a lot. If something is sweet, if something is sad, if empathy overcomes me, if there is injustice.
Would I be saying this if I was male? Who knows. Probably not.
So funny to me how it works this way.
But does it 'work'?
Doubtful.
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